☕️Laundry Therapy

Good morning.

The University of Technology Sydney has offered some truly heinous advice to stressed-out staff facing the chopping block amid its $100 million cost-cutting drive.

Around 400 academics whose jobs are currently on the line were directed to a wellbeing hub by an external health company which suggested around 50 ‘tips’ for managing stress, the ABC reports.

Some pearlers included: "Do that task you've been dreading, like washing delicates, organising receipts for your taxes, or cleaning a bathroom".

Other crackers included "bake a dessert" and "brush or floss your teeth every day. Dental work later in life can be painful and expensive!"

Perfect, that’ll fix it!

🏆 LOI Subscriber #TBD

Market movers

Shares in Temple & Webster rose on Thursday after the online furniture retailer reported a five-fold jump in full-year profit and a strong start to FY26. Analysts pointed to revenue growth, margin expansion and favourable housing market conditions as supporting the outlook.

The quick sync

• Epic Games’ Fed Court victory over Apple and Google shows how Australia’s 2017 competition law overhaul is reshaping the fight against tech giants. (Capital Brief)

• Ellison’s Skydance takeover has put the A-Leagues back in Paramount’s sights as it steps up talks on a new broadcast deal. (Capital Brief)

• Helen Lofthouse is standing firm at the ASX as she battles a blunder, a regulator probe and a wounded listings business. (Capital Brief)

• Bench alliances shift as Gleeson hints at swing vote status and Edelman plays solo in High Court upsets. (Capital Brief)

• ABC boss Hugh Marks warns AI is disintermediating search and vows to push for rules forcing tech giants to pay for news. (Capital Brief)

Trading floor

M&A

• Trump Administration said to discuss taking stake in Intel. (Bloomberg)

• Ampol to buy EG Australia for $1.1b, adding 500 sites and targeting $65–$80m in annual synergies. (Capital Brief)

• Wilson AM counters L1 Capital with rival Platinum bid. (Capital Brief)

• Quadrant buys Carlisle Health to drive expansion and acquisitions. (AFR)

• Foreign lenders tipped as frontrunners for HSBC Australia sale. (The Australian)

• Paramount steps up A-Leagues rights talks under new Skydance control. (Capital Brief)

• PE-backed AVS buys Medimobile, forming $13m-revenue group. (AFR)

• US AI ad platform Creatify has acquired Gala Labs, an Australian-founded martech firm behind marketing assistant Peggy. (Smart Company)

• Middle Eastern and local bidders circle $4.6bn Kestrel coal mine. (The Australian)

Capital Markets

• From Circle’s blowout debut to Bullish’s billion-dollar raise, a Trump-era crypto boom is driving the biggest Wall Street listing wave in years. (Reuters)

• Westpac Q3 profit rises 8% to $1.9b on business banking growth. (Capital Brief)

• Suncorp profit jumps 52% to $1.823b on asset sales and premium growth. (Capital Brief)

• Telstra profit hits $2.3b; $1b buyback and AI venture announced. (Capital Brief)

• Ecotone raises $25m for climate-focused debt and equity fund. (Capital Brief)

• WA1 to raise $100m via discounted share placement. (AFR)

• HomeCo profit triples to $250m, meets growth targets. (Capital Brief)

• ASX trims exec bonuses under scrutiny; profit rises to $503m. (Capital Brief)

• Temple & Webster profit jumps 533% as sales and market share rise. (Capital Brief)

• South32 to impair $568m on Mozal amid power supply uncertainty. (Capital Brief)

• Lake Resources seeks $10m for lithium project study. (AFR)

• Origin profit up 6% to $1.48b, dividend raised to 30c. (Capital Brief)

• Ventia profit up 12% to $119.4m, work in hand hits $20.6b. (Capital Brief)

• Orora profit soars 425% to $973.1m after US sale. (Capital Brief)

• Qube takes $128m write-down on Moorebank terminal, guidance unchanged. (Capital Brief)

• Gilmour seeks $150m to hit unicorn status after failed debut flight. (AFR)

• Abacus profit doubles to $289m amid takeover interest. (Capital Brief)

• Pro Medicus profit jumps 39% on record contracts. (Capital Brief)

• Administrators estimate it could cost up to $8b to modernise the Whyalla steelworks and develop its nearby iron ore mines. (AFR)

• Articore Group’s FY25 loss widens despite record margins. (Capital Brief)

• ASIC sues Mercer Super over unreported investigations, delays, and misleading reports. (Capital Brief)

• DeepSeek delays AI model after Huawei chip setback. (AFR) (FT)

• Magellan rebrands to reflect new focus after years of decline. (Capital Brief)

• Unemployment falls to 4.2% on strong full-time job gains. (Capital Brief)

• Bell Financial profit drops 44% on weak broking revenue. (Capital Brief)

• Liontown drops on $20m share purchase plan launch. (Capital Brief)

• Apple plans AI robot and smart-home devices. (AFR) (Bloomberg)

• Growthpoint narrows loss to $124.6m on property devaluations. (Capital Brief)

• Blindsided by Lederer’s $285m bid, Elanor says the billionaire’s move comes right at the bottom of the market. (Capital Brief)

• Cashed-up institutions are piling into ether, fuelling a rally that’s outpacing bitcoin. (AFR)

• Rodney Forrest’s guilty plea reveals how a 48-minute breach of trust led to a $2.7m Platinum insider trade, with sentencing still ahead. (AFR)

• Blood oxygen tracking returns to US Apple Watches with an iPhone-based workaround after protracted legal battle. (Bloomberg)

VC 

• Blackbird Ventures is nearing the first close of its sixth fund, targeting over $700m to invest in the next wave of tech start-ups. (AFR)

• Maincode unveils Matilda, Australia’s ChatGPT rival. (AFR)

• Cohere hits US$6.8bn valuation with major funding and new hires. (Capital Brief)

People moves

• BlueScope announced board and leadership changes, with Ewen Crouch retiring after 12 years, Cheri Phyfer joining as a director, and Yasmine Gardner appointed company secretary. (Capital Brief)

• AFL succession talk grows as Richard Goyder’s replacement shortlist narrows to Jeff Browne, Craig Drummond, and David Koch. (AFR)

The watercooler