☕️Desk Job

Good morning.

JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon is standing firm on the bank’s recently announced return to work policy, which will see employees at their desks (and sporting their patagucci finest) five days a week, according to a report by Reuters.

During a lively town hall meeting, Dimon was asked about a pushback petition that had been doing the rounds at the bank: “Don’t waste time on it. I don’t care how many people sign that f***ing petition.” Of JPM’s over 300k employees, the petition garnered 950 signatures.

JPM workers had been bemoaning the new policy on internal work chats and message boards, to which Dimon responded that more efficiency was required and that employees shouldn’t be mad at him – it’s their choice to work at JPM or not, it is a free country.

🏆 LOI Subscriber #TBD

Market movers

IAG shares plunged Thursday as investors baulked at the insurer’s weak premium growth outlook, overshadowing its stronger than expected profit result.

The quick sync

• Iren's Daniel Roberts slams Australia's AI red tape, saying it’s easier to build billion-dollar data centres in Texas than at home. (Capital Brief)

• Who is Peter Navarro, Australia's trade antagonist in the White House? Here’s what Australians need to know. (Capital Brief)

• With Stephen Jones out, open banking is back in limbo—leaving a major reform milestone and the Consumer Data Right’s future hanging in the balance. (Capital Brief)

• Coles is ditching its suburban HQ for Melbourne’s Docklands, betting on a bigger talent pool, better transport and a greener office—leaving behind a 42,000 sqm site built for cars. (AFR)

• After 40 years and multiple failed listing attempts, Chemist Warehouse has pulled off a $32b backdoor ASX debut via Sigma Healthcare—its next move is domination. (Capital Brief)

Trading floor

M&A

• Bruce Gordon's TV licence sale paves way for greater control of Nine. (Capital Brief)

• Nissan and Honda ended merger talks, leaving Nissan in a weak position as KKR explores potential investment. (Capital Brief)

• Epiroc is among the bidders for Potentia Capital’s $1.2b-plus mining software firm, Micromine, marking 2025’s biggest tech deal so far. (AFR)

• Elon Musk will withdraw his $155b bid for OpenAI if it remains a nonprofit, challenging its shift toward a for-profit model. (Capital Brief)

• Healius and ACL revive $2b merger talks as pathology industry faces rising costs and weaker demand. (The Australian)

• Once seen as a bad bet, X debt is now in hot demand, with Morgan Stanley upsizing its sale to US$4.74b as Wall Street rushes to cut its exposure to Musk’s social media gamble. (Bloomberg)

• KKR is preparing a multibillion-dollar bid for Alinta Energy, hiring Barrenjoey Capital Partners for advice. (AFR)

• Macquarie and UK’s Renewi agreed on a US$881m acquisition deal. (Reuters)

• Elliott Management has taken a $7.6b stake in BP, becoming its third-largest shareholder and pushing for major strategic changes. (Capital Brief)

• Domain Group has been shopped to private equity firms, but none have shown interest, including rumored suitor Tanarra. (The Australian)

• Unilever picks Amsterdam for ice-cream spinoff, bypassing London. (Capital Brief)

• Treasury Wine Estates canceled the sale of its cheaper brands due to low offers and cut its profit forecast. (Reuters)

• Open banking expansion stalls after Assistant Treasurer Stephen Jones’ resignation. (Capital Brief)

• Hotel mogul Jerry Schwartz is taking full control of Sydney Seaplanes, including its Rose Bay HQ and Empire Lounge. (SMH)

• Sanjeev Gupta plans to sell Tahmoor coal mine for $800m to help fund Whyalla steelworks and settle debts. (AFR)

• AI progress in Australia hindered by strict data centre regulations, says Iren co-founder. (Capital Brief)

• As private equity pulls back, billionaire dynasties like Soros and Slim are snapping up US shale assets, fuelling a quiet but powerful shift in oil investment. (Bloomberg)

• US Treasuries rallied as producer price data eased inflation fears, reversing much of Wednesday’s bond selloff triggered by hotter-than-expected CPI.(Bloomberg)

• With US debt swelling and Microsoft’s cash reserves towering, DoubleLine study raises the question: is Big Tech now a safer bet than the US government. (Bloomberg)

• As private credit surges past US$1.6t, top investors flag three looming threats: a misinformation-fuelled market bubble, a shrinking workforce and a talent shortfall that could derail returns. (Bloomberg)

Capital Markets

• Aristocrat scales back Big Fish Games, halts new development. (Capital Brief)

• Allegro Energy gets $1.85m grant under Industry Growth Program. (Capital Brief)

• Barclays posted a decade-best trading surge, beat profit forecasts and pledged £10 billion to investors—but its flat 2026 outlook and fresh regulatory probes hit shares. (Barclays results)(Bloomberg)(Capital Brief)

• KKR and Apollo are tapping Japan’s life insurance market for private credit investments through reinsurance deals. (Bloomberg)

• Origin Energy’s 23% stake in Kraken, a booming SaaS platform, could be worth more than its entire energy business, setting the stage for a potential $30b IPO. (AFR)

• Stacked Farm plans a $150m vertical farm at Melbourne Airport. (BNA)

• Merged Sigma and Chemist Warehouse start ASX trading. (Capital Brief)

• Kiki faces financial struggles, legal risks in New York, and leadership turnover amid high cash burn. (SmartCompany)

• BHP gains 2% as China’s property market stabilizes, boosting miners. (Capital Brief)

• Origin Energy CEO calls for more gas power investment to ensure energy security as profits rise. (AFR)

• Xero denies breaching the Fair Work Act in a lawsuit alleging gender pay discrimination and workplace bullying. (Capital Brief)

• Trump moves to shake up global trade, ordering new tariffs to match what other countries charge the US—no exemptions, no waivers. (Capital Brief)

• Labor eyes a shake-up of the UK's financial watchdogs, with Jonathan Reynolds questioning whether overlapping regulators are stifling growth. (Bloomberg)

• Sydney Fish Market insists it's not insolvent, but a delayed financial report, an $8 million loss and auditor concerns over skyrocketing costs at its new site paint a challenging picture. (Sky News)(SMH)

• Senators slam Treasury’s Scott Bessent for downplaying DOGE’s payment system access, saying it sought to freeze funds while he insisted it was just an efficiency review. (Bloomberg)

• Europe’s data centre boom is accelerating, with record-breaking capacity growth in 2025 as AI and cloud computing push demand to new highs. (Reuters)

VC

• Pearler is set to launch a superannuation fund and has raised $3m in a pre-Series A round from existing investors. (AFR)

• South Australian artificial intelligence company AICRAFT will provide onboard computing for future UAE lunar rovers under the Emirates Lunar Mission. (SPACE & DEFENSE)

People moves

• Australia’s 50 richest now control $243b, with Gina Rinehart topping the list despite a 4% wealth decline. (Reuters)

• Trump initiated diplomatic talks on Ukraine, speaking with Putin and Zelenskiy after a US-Russia prisoner swap signaled Moscow’s willingness to negotiate. (Capital Brief)

• Louise Adams named Aurecon CEO, succeeding Bill Cox in July 2025. (Aurecon)

• MinRes enacts governance reforms as Chris Ellison pays penalties and plans exit. (Capital Brief)

• Jarden's Frank Sarks joins Jefferies, strengthening its push for top bankers. (AFR)

• Trump’s federal employee buyout program saw 75,000 resignations, short of its goal, raising the likelihood of more job cuts. (Bloomberg)

• Domain appointed Greg Ellis as interim CEO and reported higher first-half profits while focusing on listings growth. (Capital Brief)

• Global Lithium Resources failed to block a shareholder group with alleged Chinese ties, leading to a board takeover. (AFR)

• Blue Origin is cutting 10% of its workforce to reduce costs and streamline operations after years of expansion. (Bloomberg)

• Ex-Qantas and Boral executive Tino La Spina replaced Healthscope’s CEO and chairman as the company faces financial strain and $1.6b in debt negotiations, with potential buyout interest emerging. (Capital Brief)

• Goldman Sachs appointed Brandon Watkins as global head of internet investment banking, succeeding Jane Dunlevie. (Bloomberg)

• Jon Adgemis tried to hide a $26m debt, but the court refused—now his crumbling pub empire faces scrutiny, lawsuits and a fight for survival. (AFR)

• Donald Trump Jr is betting big on the so-called ‘steroid Olympics’, funding a radical sports league that ditches doping bans in pursuit of record-breaking feats. (FT)

The watercooler